Do I Really Want to Kick Our Child Out of Our Bed?

Okay, here is the thing:  My 3-year-old thinks our bed is her bed. Heck, why wouldn’t she. That is where she has slept every single night for the past 3 years (except for the few days when she decided to experiment and sleep in her own bed).

Debating Bed Sharing Co-Sleeping with 2GroovyMoms.com

I really cannot place the blame completely on her; I can take the blame. My husband works 6 nights a week and I really don’t like sleeping alone! (Don’t judge me.)

I figure she will eventually decide to sleep in her own bed right? Well, I hope so because now my husband is starting to say it is time for her to GO! I mean, she is getting taller and sleeping like she’s running a marathon and doing gymnastics every night.

That one night a week when daddy is off work, I only have 6 inches of bed to work with (in a king-size bed!) and he usually ends up with a foot to the face.

It’s going to be a fight to get her out. I know this and I am not ready for it. I also know that once I get her out, I am going to wish she were there to keep me company. But my husband really wants her in her own bed because he feels we don’t get the cuddle time we used to get.

When my daughter sees her bed, she feels like she is being punished and we have never used it as a tool for discipline. Oh, and let’s not forget that thanks to Caillou my daughter is deathly afraid of the dark, although her room has a night light.

I honestly do not know where to begin, but I know I have to begin somewhere…and soon.  Is there anyone out there willing to share methods for removing toddlers out of the family bed with less stress as possible to both child and parent?

22 comments

  1. Neyata says:

    If I don’t know anything else I know yall better get her out so yall can start working on baby number 2 or else your going to have childen with a big age difference

  2. Eden says:

    I wish I had some advice! We never co-slept with our little one. Our bed is pretty high off the ground and we were worried that she’d go head first off it; it also has a metal frame and we were worried that she’d hit her head on it. The closest experience to co-sleeping we had was this past Fall when my husband was still in the hospital and our little one had just come home from her grandparents. I slept with her on a full-size futon because she was afraid I’d go away again. When my husband came home from the hospital, she wanted to be with him too. For awhile all of us were sleeping with her on a full-size futon. We transitioned away from that by changing our night time bedtime ritual. We now have cuddle time where we read three books in her bed, tucked in under the covers if she wants. When the books are done we kiss her good night, turn out the lights, and leave the room. It’s taken a few weeks but so far for the past two nights, we’ve been in our bed and she’s been in hers. Our little one just turned two. Good luck!

    • SummersGroovyMom says:

      Hi Eden, your comment does help. I think maybe I will try doing story time in her room instead of our and see if that can be the beginning of a slow transition.

  3. Bohemian Babushka (@BBabushka) says:

    Is there anyway you can fit her bed in your room? A slow transition might be in order. Also, if you make her room/bed real enticing it might be easier. She can pick out new sheets, auto shut off light, bed buddy… it won’t be without SOME struggle, but if you keep consistent and firm it’ll be over soon. BB2U

    • SummersGroovyMom says:

      Thank you for your comment. My husband and I thought about moving her bed into our room, until we upgrade her bed. We will try it this weekend and see how it goes. (Fingers Crossed)

  4. Leah says:

    I wish I had been able to cosleep–but my husband and I move around too much in our sleep and I was worried it would be dangerous. I can imagine it would be so hard to find the point at while you transition them to their own bed/crib! I struggled with just moving him from his bassinet in our room to his own nursery! :)

  5. Paris says:

    I lay in my 4 year old daughter’s bed, read her a story and then wait for her to fall asleep (usually 5 minutes) before leaving. Usually early in the morning she wanders into our room and falls back to sleep until it’s time to get up. I like having the one on one time with her at bedtime.

  6. Danita @O Taste And See says:

    I think the ideas of gradually moving may be good. Also, maybe have her take naps in her own room, if she still naps or sleeping in there on the night or nights your husband is home. I do think getting her into her own room is important.

  7. aimee fauci says:

    Been there done this! Our first daughter had health issues so she slept w us for 3 years in a Queen bed ! It was nice to see her beautiful face in the morning. We lured her out of the bed by buying her a PRINCESS bed and calling it HER bed and we had no problems at all getting her out. You may try a reward system to get her into her own bed and keep in mind.. kids are smarter than we are sometimes.. they know how ‘to play’ us!

    • SummersGroovyMom says:

      Aimee, I told my husband when we get her new bed if we get her a Lalaloopsy bed she will sleep in there. He is not sold. Lol But we will see who knows Summer best! lol

  8. Lara says:

    I hear you. My youngest slept with us most nights until she was 6. I would keep telling her that when she turned 4 she had to sleep in her own bed. Okay, then when you turn 5. No dice.

    We successfully started having her start in her own bed, though she would inevitable come to our room in the middle of the night. And my husband started carrying her to her own bed if she did fall asleep in ours. She is now 7 and almost never crawls in bed with us. It does eventually stop! :)

  9. Katy Blevins says:

    While we didn’t exactly co-sleep, we had the twins in the room with us for several months. I actually found that when they moved to their own room, THEY were happier. It turned out, I was the one holding onto it and they were ready for their independence. That’s on a much smaller scale than what you’re experiencing now, but my point being perhaps she’ll take to the independence better than you expect! One thing I do know for sure, if the husband is missing out on some cuddles and verbalizing that, it’s definitely time to think about making the move so you can give that relationship the attention it’s (he’s) asking for. Good luck!!

  10. Louida says:

    I actually never ran into this problem because I had my daughters sleep in their own beds when they were younger. I knew having them sleep with me would become a problem later on.

    I wish I could give you some tips.

  11. Sarah @ LeftBrainBuddha says:

    Well, I have no advice for this after cosleeping for so long, but when we transitioned my daughter from her crib to her bed (at just under 3 years) I did the progressive moving thing…. I would sit at the end of her bed for a while, then the floor, etc., until gradually she was okay with it. Good luck!

  12. Meredith@A TIPical Day says:

    I actually went through this a little bit with my second son. I finally resolved it by starting him in his bed and staying there until he was asleep. Once he was asleep I would sneak out of the room. After about 2 weeks of doing that I would put him in there, read and sing to him, then I would conveniently have to go to the bathroom and say I would be right back. I made sure I took so long in the bathroom that most of the time he fell asleep before I would come back. After about 3 or 4 times of him putting himself to sleep he went down pretty easily on his own. He would sometimes wake up and come get into bed with us after that, but I would just carry him back to his own bed.

    This has always been one area I have struggled with saying no to my kids, but I know it is what is best for them and me. We all sleep better, and they need to learn to go to sleep on their own.

    Good Luck!

  13. Erica says:

    I didn’t have a hard time with my eldest but with my youngest it was a nightmare. He’d end up back in my bed in the middle of the night. I painted the room with vibrant colors, posted fun pictures, and set classical music until he fell asleep. I think the most important thing here is consistency and patience. Good luck momma! :)

  14. Joyce@MommyTalkShow says:

    We’ve only co-slept on nights when our son was sick or when we were out of town so all 3 of us slept in the same bed.
    It was torture. None of us like it. Thankfully, our son has slept in his room and enjoys it.
    My only piece of advice would be to create a fun, warm, loving space in her bed that she likes. Maybe with a “lovie” or relaxing toy.
    All the best!

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